When you were old

all these bodies will be torn asunder
all this flesh will feed the earth
all this life will pass before me
all this time an infinite moment

all my days are spent in seclusion
all my dreams have passed me by
all my friends i have no friends
all this moment is a lie

the hands i move will fade away
the time of hands reverse to gray
a word unspoken is a lie untold
i thought i knew you when you were old.

If i could, were i'd love

I wish i could stop time, just for a bit
so that i might be able to look into your beautiful face,
to study its form, its curves, its splendor

i’d like to feel god in your hair
and cry, with you unaware

i have seen you in a hundred faces
and longed for contact, yet you would never understand
my need to glorify your existence,
it’s not what we do – it’s unacceptable

my benevolence can never be proven, and this
is why i cannot approach you and rejoice in your beauty

this is not my home, these are not my people.

There

Just behind the curtain, the invisible curtain,
where if I move my hand through the air, I might just catch you there
watching me from an incomprehensible distance.

Just behind the fog of this reality
there is another place calling me
I have seen it in my dreams,
and its light and its hue are heavenly blue.

Why do I suffer here? I want to know this love that
I cannot seem to wrap my fingers around.
I want to slip through the cracks and fall away into this place -
I want God to show his face!
I need to know his name so that I can justify this pain.

You are

You are the light that you would see reflecting in my eyes
if only you could awaken
to the truth of what you are.

you are the mountains, the trees, and the oceans,
and the sunset - you are all of these.

you are radiant beauty reflecting,
you are intellect supreme manifesting,
you are wisdom waiting.

you are the greatness that you will become, that is already happening,
that has already happened, that lasts forever - that has just begun.

you are a part of this thing that defines me and my reality.
you are the smile drawn across my face, in a lonely place; simply put, you are my friend.

Haggard hapless smile

synapse in the brain cracked again
communicate in brief with the soul, a game
i played as a child, asked for god today
i was three years old when i drew the blade


of grass i asked from where it came
how beautiful it could be in rain
and id never guessed that id ever blame
my lack of existence

on those strangers who never reply when i say hi

as we passed on the street
i said, "hi"
she did not reply
i said, "hey"
he did not reply
i asked, "how are you?"
and you ignored me
and i go home and i question my existence
and why it is when i speak - they don’t respond

i roll on the floor and tear at my skin
because the pain makes me feel something anything, again
because you choose not to reply to a simple harmless greeting

im harmless, i am so harmless and full of love
but i can never seem to simply exist with you people
im not going to hurt you
im not going to kill you
im not going to rape you
im not going to ...
im not going to exist, am i?

whats the point?

im angry and im tired and i want to sleep forever
but i have chosen to be awake to live through this horror
that you perpetuate

and i refuse to sleep
so if i seem somewhat tired you’ll know why
i hide the weight of your unreasonable fear of me
in my haggard hapless smile