Tactile kinesthetic

Closer now happy face swell until swollen grab hold hang on a polished smile opens to spew forth wisdom retarded most of this is meaningless a handful of treacherous i shall never give again the way i gave to you.

Swan dive

Again instantly red against wall so suddenly exposed soul troll I am not here feeling full fear blood love blood lust blood dust ash to rust blood curdle the cradle fall into heaven fly into hell I will for whom it tolls ring that fucking bell smell water pouring acrid in your wake baked earth cracks under fleshy moments movements slight a hand outstretched a sleight of hand now call a phone rings overwhelms undersings a love distraught I wanted things unspeakable I want things unthinkable formulaic in my defense of the ruin of my innocence and in a sense i will have gone a perfect tense child a progression of aspect a lingua Franca unadorned with the shroud of your knowing remiss against my going.

Some thoughts on nothingness

A certain fearlessness has developed in me. For those of you familiar with English grammar, you may have noticed that I used the passive voice in the previous sentence. Passive seems appropriate because I have not intentionally sought out this fearlessness to which I refer now. In other words, it has not been an active process.

What am I talking about? I ask myself this everyday. What does it mean to suggest that I have become fearless? Simply stated, I no longer fear the end. Have I ever feared the end? I'm not sure, but I think maybe the end to me means something not quite so obvious. I mean to say, the end to me means the relinquishment of beliefs in external mythologies, i.e. religions, faiths, new ageisms, etc.

When I was a kid, I feared the devil. I used to pray every night before bed and ask God to send his army of angels to protect me from Satan and his minions. I feared being taken to some kind of fiery hell; I feared death because I was immersed in the mythology of religion, caught up in it's vast whirlwind of control.

I no longer believe. I have wiped my lenses clean of the shit bespeckled upon them by millennia of the inculcation of a myth. There is no god.

And hence, there is no heaven, nor is there a hell. There is no Satan, nor are there any evil demons doing his bidding, though I'm sure some wild-eyed Christians out there would suggest that my hand is being guided by the Evil One himself. That I have chosen to not believe, to not fall in line with those who claim they know a thing that cannot be proven, is the reason for my fearlessness.

There is freedom in giving up faith, in the religious sense of that word. For the longest time, even as a child, I struggled to believe. I tried to bend my mind around concepts that seemed ludicrous even to a 12 year old. I lived in fear for my soul, carefully monitoring my every move.

It's a wonderful feeling to be free. Free from the fear of judgement, of what lies beyond. There will be no supreme being waiting to judge me when I pass away. I am free now to die without worry of where I am headed - I am headed nowhere. I have never been afraid of going nowhere. Just as no-thing can hurt me, nor can no-where do me harm.

My mood has been lifted. I relax more. I'm no longer afraid to speak my truth. I do not monitor my words so as not to upset those around me who differ in opinion. I'm not afraid to walk to the store at night for a beer thinking I may be mugged or jumped. Those things can of course happen and may indeed happen, but I do not fear them and thus maybe I do not attract that sort of negativity. Fear is a magnet for negativity. People who live in fear become targets more often than those who don't. People who show confidence or lack of fear pose more of a threat to potential assailants. Confident victims tend not to allow themselves to become victimized as often as those who succumb to fear. Robbers want to control their victims through the overt application of fear - one who doesn't fear death, fears no thing, fears no where, fears no one.

Location:Roosevelt Way NE,Seattle,United States

Bones

Some variance in measure has been collected
in the winter of my heaven's gate

for the wicked, for the wild,
for the judged so full of hate...

i will fold her bones into nice tidy piles
place them alongside the others
in an empty corner of my room where my mind no longer goes
where darkness, where nothing grows

just a spoonful of marrow
and a shot full of shadow
behind a framed fading image of her life in the throes of a beautiful deathcurl
i will seal my fate
swallow her whole
smearing her chalky white paste
across the barb-wired memories
writ across my smoking face

i will rise for you
from deep within you
to love you
to destroy you.

Virgin afternoon

How shallow we should die
in the river you and i
in the wake of an afternoon
of a virgin autumn's bloom

and music they would play
a game or two today
as came would floating by
our bodies you and i

come with may and take
pride lion pry open sie geht
with april an hour past
fall water flow over go fast

on a virgin afternoon
in the wake of an autumn's bloom
how shallow we should die
in the river you and i.

Bastion

He makes eye contact
with an open wound
grows teeth to eviscerate the masses
becomes fearless
then unleashes the leashed

he repeats a simple phrase
ya zhiv
not too far off in the hazy distance
falling buildings do not escape this truth
they disintegrate steadily
as leavened ashes burn evenly
he receives the gift of millions

the phoenix does not rise
he moves right through us
implodes, reloads
intentionally destroys all we have so brazenly created

the teeth of his wounding
multiply, never deny the gift of his song
(a howl of a billion stars dying)
a yell and a wail
what the brilliant among us call hell

he seeks you out as you bar your doors at night
while you try in vain to forego the carrion pain
for yours is not to live on this earth
while his is to seek revenge
the fiery, armored raptor kills at will
he was built to forever fuck you in the face
to crush you into dust
to devour you whole
and shit out your empty soul

so welcome the next knock at your door
it is not evil, the fate that awaits you
(your flaw is that you make such distinctions)
it is your destiny to come to an end tonight
your curiosity for pain will live again in you
defined through the things you will never get to do

he begins

my name is Truth
and i have come bearing death
come of my own accord
there is nothing i need
not a thing i want
my purpose was not writ by any of your man-made gods
i have created my own purpose
i am the embodiment of anti-purpose

now

upon your knees
you know the drill

beg.

1969

Crush
magnet
valentine

terror
eyes
a neighborhood

bleed
seed
birth

and always, yes always,

offer up a fresh throat for good measure.

Longboard, or Moment of clarity

Consortium of maggots
determine the shape i’m in
on longboard in motion
slow all time
again

i breathed in your attention span
as i powerslid into nowhere land
and gravel dusted bones electric
while nerve endings witnessed
your vacant display of indifference

i am the receiver of the dim wit
the dreamer of the same shit
that you regurgitate over and over
as i carve majestic across this utopian
plain

so

i will give up the wish
once and for all
and regret not effort misplaced
on longboard
i will go not disgraced
home.

Love

There was a question
i never did get answered
it was about you
it was a long time ago
when i used to dig pits
and fill them with broken things
and old photos of people i thought i knew

i think
treasure is not always what we want it to be
sometimes it echos reality in its extreme
other times we want to bring back the dead
make them live again
the right way
our way
knowing full well that our perceptions are fragile
nothing so agile
as the life we forgot to lead

but i have buried everything for good this time
and now i will step forward
into the known world
and feign that i move clueless and wide-eyed
through this
fucking bullshit.

Romantica, or Taking blood

Moving needle
under taut skin
seek out with all diligence
a new sin

terror has its perceivers
as does the muse her own kin
die romantica
to begin again

a new day
fog
where was i last night?

shoes a mess
covered grim
blood stains smile back
mocking dead memory
shocking through melody
a desire to revisit old friends
a fire to rekindle my dead limbs

48 hours
and a sky of change
and i was the fog
of a new frame
of mind
game
so lame
the blood stains
smile back
mocking her trembling hand
as she finally hits the right vein
“there we go”
and a thought
“if i could draw
i would blood
take.”

She is

Warily drifting astronaut
settle into new skin
it’s her
a phenomenon made of stars
pass by me like cars ablaze
desperately seeking release
from this place
or at least
a glance cast my way

as 40 billion worlds coalesce above
we readdress the newtonian physic
seek the graviton
simplistic
keying in the correct coordinates
as her skin aglow signals
the epidermal flow
the nearness of the end

however
we might go to the park
in the pm when the cars do not desire to mark their space
casting glances cast in clay
a super-subtle semiotic decay
when avoidance of the other
seems like a safe place
in arms of cooling fire
burns an undesire
to ungod this entire race

settle now easily into a comfy chair
stare
at nothing in particular
as all time replays
repeatedly delays
the next iteration
a compilation of
a biochemical revelation
and the phenom that
she is.

Bodies of water

Mirror my emotion
when sailing upon
frozen ocean
call upon me
to warm your
dying sea.

The death romantic

There is a sound that
escapes this town
makes a soul deskin
and favor the void
it has not yet been
living
in

steady as she goes
the death romantic
throws the world to the
wind
makes foreign particles of
light
blend
in

with i were i without you now
sea shallow
boned-marrow
frown
bury your heart
to begin aga
in.

In the guise of love

Falter against broken altar
knees bruised and bloodied, red
how far we have crawled
to have come not far at all.

Continue passing judgement.
Perpetuate your mythology.
Exclude all who do not accept.
Disseminate hate
all in the guise of love.

A memory

Let me please you, so that i might forget to
please me
let me be the ice that picks
you forever free
let me pass through this world
a memory.

Ever

Ever
i were on your wind
a flyer gliding
an atom warming

the call
it will never end
to take sides
to choose a friend

smile
a vile sign of an empty mind
an abuser's crime -
would you look at the time?

dive
as the lies
and the truths
pass through you.