At the optometrist's

Out amongst you all today
all my energy seemed to drain away
bodies activated moving about
speaking, saying something or other
to one another
in tongues, tones, colors
i could not comprehend

then i thought
there are so many of us
cajoling about
bouncing from place to place
no real direction
fully knowing
though never showing
the futility of our
footsteps

i want to wipe away the sun
turn back time so that none of this
had ever begun
i want to burn up the night sky
and watch planes fall
to the hell below
where we dwell for show
i want to be free of my kind
once and for all
so that for once i wont feel
ashamed to speak my truth

out amongst the dying today
i saw them
the faces of the old
i saw their expressions
growing cold
i saw the distrust in their eyes
upon offering a smile
just something warm for awhile
but no
my kindness is a waste of time
but time, i fear,
is all i have

it seems i need new glasses.

Good cancer

I’ve been thinking about cancer. I wonder if there will ever be a cure. I would like to think so. So many people suffer from various forms of this terrible disease. It would be great if cancer just simply stopped killing, ceased expressing its destructive behavior. Wishful thinking, eh? But maybe I’m hinting at the concept of remission without fully understanding the issue – I don’t claim to be a medical doctor. These are just thoughts I’ve had recently. Just sharing. Or blogging - whatever you want to call it.

I can’t stop thinking about it, though. I imagine all these crazy things, like what if cancer not only eradicated its own destructive nature, but also promised certain benefits to one’s life? Hey, then everyone would want cancer, right? Yeah, I know. Crazy talk. It’s late.

Nonetheless, I happen to think that there are certain things in this world, of which many of us seem to be unaware, that have the inherent tendency to destroy. I guess cancer would be one of these certain things. However, unlike cancer, many of these things do not immediately appear to be dangerous. They may even appear to be good for us. I would urge you to look around, look closer at what seems to have always been there, either right in front of you, as a part of you, or somewhere in your periphery. Look at those things, ideas, concepts, beliefs. Are they destructive? Have they ever been destructive? If so, would you choose to let them remain a part of your worldview? Would you choose to have good cancer, a former killer, even if there were proof that in its current state, it was harmless and possibly even beneficial to your existence? I myself would have to pass, for past behavior is often a strong indicator of future behavior, and therefore, I feel I couldn’t trust good cancer. Sorry good cancer – I’m not a believer.

Well-mannered, boy

Put pen to paper
to doodle away the memories
of you drawing near
on nights
like these

for a second we had
a moment
and for that one moment
we knew why
but reality needs
no virtue
when we are headed
home

refrain
from beating blistered hands
restraint
show some if you can
remain
always at a distance
again

because
for a while we were
on fire
and in that fire
we knew why
but my vanity
is self-fulfilling
not in the least prophetic
oh but we knew why

i carried your books to school that
day.

Ferris wheel

Let me gather raindrops
as the bass line keeps me warm
on this a new day
where i need to be whole

there is an ocean
alive, breathing into me
save i come
into raindrops
give i life
to a fresh start
stirring

and know

there is a moment
alive, setting to be free
save you love
into raindrops
gave i god
without words
blurring

the truth -
there isn’t
one

my hands are harnesses
my eyes are stars
my life is a subroutine
so let me dream
the darkness
into tidal waves
and flood the cities
black and back
into wettest coal
where i need not
be whole
where a ferris wheel
spins out of control
where you
finally
let me be
happily,
your anomaly.

Thrusting greyward

I woke up on my back in the middle of an empty stadium. Staring above at greying sky. A slight breeze coming. Sitting up, I am alone in this place. The seats - empty. No game today? I thought for sure the M’s were playing the A’s. Where is everyone?

All I remember is a face. Broadcasting through a massive web. A man’s. Staring at me. Expecting god only knows what. And a sick nauseating emptiness slowly coming over me. And then gone.

I will not hold your hand while you try to understand me. So if what comes next fails you completely then resort to labeling me – therein lies your safety.

Did you know that there is a moment when ‘broken’ cannot capture the essence of what we become when we realize the absurdity of time – or more to the point - the unmiracle of our kind? When they, like cockroaches, flutter and flitter before us, as if instinctually knowing how powerless they make us feel, and smash us to pieces within a self-projected horror field.

I don’t know where I am. No, I think I do. The point is, I don’t know where you are. Any of you. There was supposed to be a game here today. But my head hurts now. And there is static electricity in the air - a storm is coming – has come.

But in that former place, I know I requested to be at ground zero. I boasted that I wanted to experience the event horizon – to bleed sunshine. And part of me knows that I am there now. Or here, where I have taken the stadium. Claimed it for myself, having won nothing, for I am nothing without you - my accomplishments cannot be completely realized without them first having been observed by you.

Dew stained grass thrusting greyward through swollen fingers – there is peace in this holocaust.